Saturday, May 16, 2009

Wedding Planning Blues

Possible centerpiece courtesy of KW--made from garden flowers and mason jars she owns

I couldn't be happier that Brenna and Matt are going to be married and live together forever. I'm happy I have a daughter who hates the excesses of the wedding industry as much as I do. But I am finding that planning a wedding is often frustrating. There are disappointments when the caterer we've grown to love in negotiations isn't an option, or when I found out how much photographers cost. We have to go down quite a few dead ends to find what's really going to work well. Brenna's made so many wise decisions: her dress is being made in El Salvador, and is beautiful. A friend is drawing her invitations. We remembered we know people who have a fun band, and they are willing to play at the reception. The venue is at our family ranch, a place filled with history and meaning. Matt's friend is the photographer. Paul Dugan, the pastor performing the ceremony thinks Brenna and Matt are amazing, and their marriage mentors, the Tapias are going to be great role models. 

But there are trying times. I have spent hours and hours trying to find a dress to wear. I finally told the mother of the groom to go ahead and buy hers, because this might take awhile, and she shouldn't have to wait. It's fun to shop for a new dress for about a half an hour. Then the novelty wears off. 

My heart hurts when Brenna experiences a new disappointment. None of us want our children unhappy. I've taught my girls to reach for their dreams, but sometimes dreams need to be downgraded or delayed. And that's painful. What she wants is reasonable: a beautiful setting, good food (not from a chain restaurant), dancing, and good pictures to remember it by. Some days I want to throw money at her so she can have everything she wants. Other days I'm outraged that the wedding costs more than a new well with clean water would cost for a whole village. 

Most of the time Brenna and I are on the same page. My hope is that I can learn quickly how to be a great support to her, even though I lack ability at both planning parties and at spending money. As long as we're closer after this process than before, I'm happy. Regardless of how the wedding turns out, the marriage promises to be a beautiful one. 


sbdinkler said...

Marsh, you are amazingly wise and a role model for many. If more mothers could have your outlook on the important things in life and marriage we would all benefit. Thank you for sharing.

Matt said...

What?! No blog post in a month? I demand more.