Tuesday, February 5, 2008

How to help a person in crisis

Before November 29th I didn’t really know how to comfort someone who had a person close to them die. After going through two deaths back to back, I am, unfortunately, becoming more of an expert on how to help people in crisis. What I know now is that the most comforting actions to me were when people used their unique gifts and talents to help me. Friends who are great cooks made me soup. One friend gave me the soup in a special little fabric bag that she makes. Another friend who bakes pies from scratch made me a cheery pie with real cherries (not pie filling). I received corny poetry and gifts full of puns that made me laugh from a dear coworker. I appreciated so much the friend who made enchiladas for 15 people on the day of my mom’s service. And the friend who offered to go to Costco for me saved my life! Simple actions like the friend who bought the guest book for people to sign, helped tremendously. I was very grateful for the friend who dropped everything and flew down from Oregon to help me. But people don’t have to go to extreme measures like that to comfort someone in crisis. An hour after my mom died I called a friend who has had a lot of people close to him die. He knew just the right words to comfort me. And he prayed for me on the phone. Cards, emails, flowers, prayers and kind words gave me tremendous comfort. I wanted to be able to let people help, but not impose on people. It was easier to let people do things that I knew they enjoyed doing. I hate gardening, and was blessed to tears at the friend who offered to trim my roses for me. This lady likes gardening; otherwise I would have felt guilty accepting her generous offer. My hairdresser met me at her salon in the early morning of my mom’s service to do my hair for free. I enjoyed not having to worry about my hair, and also the chance to talk to a sweet friend at the beginning of a difficult day. I feel loved right now. Sad, but loved. I will not forget the many kindnesses that people have given me.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

You have lots of friends and we ALL love you!