Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Book Fairy Runs an Errand

I am the Book Fairy to a small boy whom I love. I buy books at the thrift store and he loves them. Read more here. Since my staff meeting was a field trip downtown, aftewards I thought I'd go to the nearby thrift store. I had such fun finding beautiful books. Then I felt really guilty. Here I am doing something pleasurable for myself while other people are doing my work! It's hard for me when other people are pitching in to help me because I can't get it all done, to allow myself to do something enjoyable. "You can't meet the locksmith, but you have time to go shopping?" "You turned down Randa when she needed you, and now you're just sitting around reading a book?" Part of me feels these thoughts aren't rational. I need some down time. Yet it's really hard to enjoy the down time because the list is so long and my friends have been so good to me. I had a busy life before my Dad became ill. Now 90% of the list is things for him: get the lost hearing aid replaced, open a bank account in the same city he lives in, call Social Security, return the wheelchair, etc. I don't enjoy these things. Yet I do enjoy getting to be with him so much. The times we have are sweet and special. He asked me yesterday "Do you think I'll ever get any better? Or will I only be sicker from here on?" We have lots of good talks. He tells his friends on the phone what a good daughter I am, and he always tells me how much he loves me and is thankful for me. These are the good times that make his errands worth it. 

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