Saturday, April 12, 2008

A Day of Joy and Pain

I seem to grieve differently than other people, and I've decided that's OK. I'm in tune with my feelings/body and I know what's bringing me comfort. Although people keep telling me to slow down and "take time for myself", what brings me healing is having the house full, or walking on the beach, or making a difference in someone’s life. Today a friend is here from Palo Alto, and she and I walked on the beach and saw tons of dolphins. When I saw the birds at the shore I remembered Mom teaching me all their names. I find healing in doing ministry—like when I’m praying with my Stephen Leader team for the hurting people we are comforting. (And usually we are a comfort to each other, too!) I get a satisfaction out of making someone else’s life better. The work I’ve done on Personnel TEAM is something that makes me feel happy. So it really is something I’m doing for ME. Mom’s and Scott’s deaths have taught me that you never know the hour and the day, so what brings me joy and peace is spending the time in meaningful pursuits. For me, it’s part of the way I’m working through the grief. The activity is not a way for me to avoid the grief, but a way to work through it and find meaning, and heal. After walking on the beach my friend and I went shopping at the consignment store, and I bought a bunch of new clothes. It was very fun. Even though I’m in pain, I can still enjoy a great day spent with a good friend.

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