This post should go before the last one...I thought I had published it, but I had only WRITTEN IT. As I've stated before, I'm sort of losing my mind. The following I wrote yesterday. (Before today's post.)
I think I’m going to implode. All week I’ve felt like I couldn’t handle one more thing, and then one more thing happened. My dad looked terrible enough when I got home from work that I called 911. I thought he had experienced another heart attack. We argued with the ambulance people to take him to the hospital he was in before, but they had to take him to the one closest to my house, which meant we have to start all over again with new doctors, new nursing staff, and a new, unfamiliar environment. As it turns out it wasn’t a heart attack, but rather a drug reaction. I’m becoming too familiar with hospitals, and I’m worn out.
The other things I’m dealing with: Doctors’ offices, the auto insurance company, the police, the health insurance companies, and trying to keep my life and my job running. There’s also a huge family rift developing around ranch owned by my family. One of my cousins wants to sell out to a developer. She refuses to be bought out by the family partners. It’s a mess. They found my car. Damaged. Three hours away from me. “You need to pick it up within the next half hour or we will have it impounded and it will cost $400 to get it out.” Great. Called the girls. Molly could get a friend to drive her, and was all set to go when she realized she didn’t have a key. What to do? Call a locksmith? We finally called the insurance who let it be impounded and will pay the charges to get it out, and towed to a body shop and delivered to us. We love our new auto insurance.
There are bright spots. My teaching partner is going through a tragedy parallel to mine. Each morning we debrief on the wonderful or terrible event that happened with our parent the night before. I have good friends who have surrounded me. My brother’s been sober for four days. My children are doing well, and they bring me joy. Friends from Turkey are staying with us and they are a blessing, and a help. Tonight, when she offered to run any errand I needed tomorrow, I burst into tears and hugged her. I am too overwhelmed to actually think of anything for her to do for me, but just knowing that someone is willing to do anything for me, and actually has her days free to do it, is like getting an early Christmas present.